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THE WAY IN IS THE WAY OUT

A little meditation I did during my recent journey to the depths of my mind. Maybe it will inspire you for exploration of some kind as well. Just go with the flow. 

Imagine yourself floating on a deep blue lake that resembles the nights sky full of stars, sparkling, as the sun kisses its surface. You are in a middle of a lusciously green forest, untouched by anything manmade, by any form of culture. Just nature in its most pristine form. Birds are singing loudly, almost celebratory, as they’d be appreciating the mere fact of being alive, singing, existing. The whole forest seems to be dancing in the rhythm of their songs. 

There you are, floating on a calm and slightly breezy water in the middle of this wonderland. Just the way you are. No masks, no clothes, nothing but you, nothing to hide from, nothing to fear. Everything is just perfect. Still and quiet, yet so full of life. 

You’re playing with the water; it’s flowing through your fingers. Some drops are running down on your skin, some are soaking in. Its breeziness compliments the warm air perfectly. You feel like the drops are becoming part of you, and you are part of it all. Imagine that you’re sinking deeper into the water, deeper into the dark blue lake. Deeper into yourself. Let the water take you down. Don’t fight it. Let it. Suddenly you can’t see the surface anymore, nor the bottom. There’s just water. And you. Eventually, the water starts soaking inside of you, absorbs your body that creates borders between you and the water. You’re merging with it, becoming it. You are the water. 

How does it feel? What do you feel, if anything at all? Explore this state. Explore this infinity you are, explore this lightness. Explore what it’s like being the water. Explore what it’s like being supported by your own essence, by simply being. Keep this engrained in you as you start recognizing your body again. Feel its definition, find yourself grounded in the physical realm again, even there’s no ground to stand on. Feel how it allows you to breath even somewhere in the depts of a lake. Breathe deeply. Allow yourself to simply be in the water. Without adjectives. 

Sunlight is making its way trough the water again, passing you by, eventually kissing your cheeks, your chest, your feet. Guiding you even deeper down, gently taking your hand and showing you way to the bottom. You’re following the light, still feeling the tranquility, the sense of eternity and utter calmness you found as you merged with the water. Now you know this equanimity is within you so you may always come back to it whenever you start running out of breath, feeling cold, anxious or unsupported. 

You’re getting closer to the bottom. There are few treasure boxes, closed and locked, and it seems like they’ve been left this way for quite some time. You’re swimming closer towards the first one. What are you feeling? Are you hesitant? Scared, even? What do you feel? What emotions, narratives or thoughts are emerging? Whatever you feel, feel it. Don’t put it aside. It cannot hurt you. Remember, when you become one with the water, no storm can throw you off. No wave can be too big for you nor take you down. You are the wave. When you become the water, you’re the utter stillness even during the heaviest storm. If you trust the water and accept whatever is emerging, the water will support and take care of you. 

The closer you get, the more intense the feelings may become. There you are, in front of your locked box. Open it. How, you may ask? You know how. The key is in your possession, within you. You are the one who created this box and put the lock on it, probably unconsciously, so you are the one who is able to open it. Take your time. Just ask yourself, what am I feeling? How does it feel in my body? Don’t give up. Don’t run away. Stay and feel. As much as you can. Let it soak into you, just like the water did. Be so full of these emotions that you become them. Just like you became the water. You may see images, words, memories, all kinds of things. Painful, scary, even disturbing. Trying to lure you away. Away to the surface again. Don’t. You haven’t collected your treasure yet. Are you ready to open that box? 

Whenever you are, do so. 

How does it feel? 

You did it. You opened it. By opening what has been stored inside, you released it. You poured all the darkness it’s been storing into the water. It’s floating around you, disappearing in the depths of your own soul. It’s not powerful anymore, once it resolved. Those emotions floated away, became one with the water. How is it, swimming in the deepest darkest parts of you? Remember, the water is always there for you, holding you, hugging you. You are safe to feel anything. As long as you let it flow free, it cannot harm you. It loses its power over you. It only gets powerful and scary when you’re holding onto something that needs to flow. When there’s a storm creating big scary waves, you can always become the waves. Once you become the wave, the wave disappears. 

The same goes for you emotions. Whatever you feel, whatever is causing storm inside of you, allow yourself to feel it. To be it. Merge with it. No emotion can hurt you, if you allow yourself to feel it. If you store it in the box and lock it away, it will only get scary. When you hide it away from your consciousness, let it be unfelt, it will not disappear; quite the opposite – it will still be there, day and night, generating even more darkness. Holding power over you. And paradoxically, the only way to take you power back - is to surrender. 

The box is empty now. It doesn’t seem so scary anymore, does it? You shed light on the darkness and the darkness disappeared. At the end, you weren't afraid of anything else but yourself. Now it’s time to collect your treasure. What was it you found there? Think about it and look for it. It’s there. Was it your strength, even when you feel the weakest? Was is your capability to hold yourself instead of longing to be held by others? 

You may stop imagining. See? You’re still floating on the surface, in the same blissful forest, in astonishing calmness. The sun is still shining. Nothing has changed as you sank deep down. Except you. You feel lighter now. You dug through some dirt and found your treasure. The darkness underneath isn’t drawing you down anymore. And at the same time as you were feeling the storm deep inside, you were riding the waves it caused in utter calmness on the beautiful surface. 

“When you go into the scary basement, suddenly there’s no scary basement to go to anymore” 

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